Grammar Gets You a Free "Get Out of Jail" Card!

According to a story from ABC News, knowing the value of "literally" might be more valuable than a good lawyer. While other blogs lambast the liberal (my pun is intended) use of "literally," the importance of being earnestly literate was not lost on one savvy sex-offender lawyer.





Terry L. Rich was charged with violating the Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act; sex offenders who move but fail to register in their new locales can expect a stiff 10-year prison term. While his attorney (strangely enough) remains unnamed, Rich (a seven time offender!) was released from custody and, moreover, is still not listed in the national sex offenders registry. Why? Because his smarty-pants lawyer worked some grammatical mojo, pointing out that the literal wording of the law implies that only sex offenders who moved once the law took effect were forced to register. Sex offenders who relocated before the law went into effect apparently do not have to register - so hold the "get out of jail free" pass, because they already got the "get out of sex offender registry free" pass.

The issue centers around verb tense; taught early-on in grade (some dare call it "grammar") school, verb tenses can nevertheless elude the most word-conscious of them all - that is, those who write law. While national debates about the legal meaning of "marriage" in 2004 should have tipped off lawmakers that words are worth worrying about, the Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act went into effect in 2006 with the word "travels" instead of "traveled" to describe sex offenders that move across state lines. Because present tense was used, the law - Unnamed Attorney successfully argued - only applies to those sex offenders who traveled while the law was in effect.

Sure, laws should be interpreted as they are written. But with sex offenders ranking among the most hot-button issues in the U.S. over the past decade or so, one wonders how our Unnamed Attorney calms his ethical qualms at having freed a sex offender that violates the spirit - if not the letter - of the law. However, lawyers don't have ethical qualms, and so the burden rests with the slack writing and proofreading in the arguably most sacred written arena. Lucky for us all, if the lawmakers can't catch a loophole, lawyers gladly will, at least for a fee. Who said good grammar never made anyone rich?

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